Psalm 139 (The Living Bible): “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2 You know when I sit or stand. When far away you know my every thought. 3 You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. 4 You know what I am going to say before I even say it. 5 You both precede and follow me and place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 This is too glorious, too wonderful to believe! 7 I can never be lost to your Spirit! I can never get away from my God! 8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. 9 If I ride the morning winds to the farthest oceans, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your strength will support me. 11 If I try to hide in the darkness, the night becomes light around me. 12 For even darkness cannot hide from God; to you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it. 15 You were there while I was being formed in utter seclusion! 16 You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!
17-18 How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly! I can’t even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me.[a] And when I waken in the morning, you are still thinking of me!
19 Surely you will slay the wicked, Lord! Away, bloodthirsty men! Begone! 20 They blaspheme your name and stand in arrogance against you—how silly can they be? 21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I be grieved with them? 22 Yes, I hate them, for your enemies are my enemies too.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. 24 Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
These past two weeks of being in the Dominican Republic have been incredibly lifegiving and transformational for my faith, let me tell you about it. First, going to the Dominican Republic was met with many distractions, to try to make us not go on the trip. The East Coast was faced with a severe snowstorm that cancelled our flight to New Jersey from Los Angeles, completely derailing our plans while we were on The Grapevine and forcing us to stay at Hume SoCal for a few nights, until this could get situated. We helped teardown camp and I was involved in cleaning cabins and their bathrooms. Being forced to come to Hume SoCal was something I didn’t want to do, as I had a really hard experience with grief when we were at SoCal in October because it had been 5 years since my Grandma died.
The Lord derailing my plans and forcing me to come back to this place, was ultimately the best thing for me, because it forced me to face it and ultimately face him. I had a really sweet, yet really difficult time with the Lord during Monday morning devotionals. The Sunday we were leaving was a year since I got saved and the day after on Monday was a year since I got baptized. I was angry and distraught, but numb to all in which I was going through. I opened my Bible to Psalm 23 (my grandma’s favorite passage that she used to recite before she passed). I felt the Lord’s presence so incredibly clear and the sun began to shine and I started to weep.
I was thinking about another chapter that impacted me in a really dark season of life, Psalm 139, so I opened my Bible and the page landed on that exact chapter. I just felt so incredibly known by El Roi, “the God who sees (me).” Going back and forth, I felt the Lord breaking down my hedges of protection that I built up for a false sense of security and protection, breaking down my “walls of numbness,” forcing me to weep at the father’s feet and come to the foot of the cross. I believe the Holy Spirit was telling me, “Child, why have you hidden your face from me… I haven’t hidden my face from you! I am your heavenly father, who sees you, knows you, and loves you. You are my prince and I am your King of Kings, your Heavenly Father. You are my child, my beloved, the son of the most high God. You have been living and walking with this insecurity and these idols in living for the world, again, for way too long. Give it to me. I have been with you through it all, and you mustn’t forget that I reside right there inside you and am with you always. Stop looking down at the waves or sensing the storm, and look at me. I love you so much!” Although I was still following him, I repented for my sinful, wayward heart, and knew I needed a fresh start, so I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ.
After this time of bitter to sweet submission in Hume SoCal, we got to stay at this fun hotel in Los Angeles. I got to swim in the pool and “randomly” was put in a room with some newly formed friendships, that Christ has continued to help grow before and since then. After a fun-time at the hotel, we got up bright and early and went on our flight…